So I’m sat in the middle of a room…
And I freeze up. My chest starts pounding and my face starts to shade red. Damn.
I’ve decided to finally blog my life down on the world wide web as a kind of dodgy therapy method, and if only one person reads every 3 months, at least someone knows how I was feeling at that time.
The first line in this first entry explains my situation at work yesterday, I work part-time in a call centre while attending college. I’ve just finished a maths coarse and I am looking to do something creative next year, something I enjoy. But anyways, at my work place there are many varied people who work there and they all seem to have extreme self confidence, whereas I do not, and yesterday I was sat in a section where there are about 7 of us, suddenly a couple of hours into my shift the focus of attention turns to me and they were all saying something different - which made it worse, I started to panic and I went bright red, and the last thing you need to hear when you are embarrassed is “You’re turning red”, yes thanks for that observation I really need that pointing out in front of everyone. After a few minutes I have calmed down, my face has calmed down and they are back to talking about soaps or whatever. But all this made me think about my personality, am I that insecure that I cannot handle talking to a group of people?
I’m not even close to having a career path, and one of the major contributing factors in this, is that I am so insecure about who I am as a person. I find it hard to admit to what I like for fear of rejection and as I mention above I cannot handle groups of people. I’m not too sure what to do about this except to keep trying to improve my characteristics….
I do feel like an outcast, different to everybody else….but ask me again in a couple of days and I may feel entirely different. I guess that’s life, it’ll kick you in the balls before it will help you out.
I also support Leeds United. Damn.
I’ve decided to finally blog my life down on the world wide web as a kind of dodgy therapy method, and if only one person reads every 3 months, at least someone knows how I was feeling at that time.
The first line in this first entry explains my situation at work yesterday, I work part-time in a call centre while attending college. I’ve just finished a maths coarse and I am looking to do something creative next year, something I enjoy. But anyways, at my work place there are many varied people who work there and they all seem to have extreme self confidence, whereas I do not, and yesterday I was sat in a section where there are about 7 of us, suddenly a couple of hours into my shift the focus of attention turns to me and they were all saying something different - which made it worse, I started to panic and I went bright red, and the last thing you need to hear when you are embarrassed is “You’re turning red”, yes thanks for that observation I really need that pointing out in front of everyone. After a few minutes I have calmed down, my face has calmed down and they are back to talking about soaps or whatever. But all this made me think about my personality, am I that insecure that I cannot handle talking to a group of people?
I’m not even close to having a career path, and one of the major contributing factors in this, is that I am so insecure about who I am as a person. I find it hard to admit to what I like for fear of rejection and as I mention above I cannot handle groups of people. I’m not too sure what to do about this except to keep trying to improve my characteristics….
I do feel like an outcast, different to everybody else….but ask me again in a couple of days and I may feel entirely different. I guess that’s life, it’ll kick you in the balls before it will help you out.
I also support Leeds United. Damn.
posted by A.Lee at 12:00 PM
3 Comments:
Great first entry. Keep it up, and I'll be regular reader.
Yeah, great first entry =) Well done
well done on getting bog started up, its very interesting to read these kinda things when it involves other ppl.well done!
oh,my dad also supports leeds, wata shame
Luv Jen
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