You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…

I seriously feel that if I become any more frustrated I will morph into the Hulk. I woke up feeling anxious, I don’t feel depressed, but on the verge of saying “fuck it!” to everything, haha….I think I’m too mild mannered to do that. When I look at myself, I see my biggest personality flaw as being the fact I am not comfortable with showing people who I am in an open way. When it comes to discussions and such, I always stick to my own views, but I feel as though people look at me and think I’m too generic. There is nothing about me that shows people I have conviction in my actions. I’ve had the same hair-cut for years and I’ve always wanted to change that but I’m too worried of the stick that I might take for doing so. A couple of posts back I talked about fashion and how people judge others by what they wear, I still stand by this viewpoint, but if someone says they change their fashion to suit someone else’s taste, or to fit into a crowd….I think that is a form of selling out, selling out you’re soul, but in a way I am doing the same thing by saying no to what I want deep down. Part of me is saying “Go for it, express yourself” while the other part is saying “If you change just one bit, you are going to be slated mercilessly for it”
As you can see, I’m quite an insecure person. I’m so afraid of presenting myself that I’m the guy watching through the window, wishing he was inside. Things will have to change though, even I recognise that, there’s only so much you can put up with, other people can cause enough problems without you heaping them on yourself. Maybe that’s the never-ending battle of life, how you deal with…yourself.
And now for some news about my life. I played football last night and won for the 2nd week in a row. I scored a pretty good goal and then feigned injury for the last 15 minutes because I was so knackered and didn’t want to look like a bad player. Sally looked great last night, good enough to make my interest in her keep rising, but so high that I realise I have no chance. I’m not sure what part of her personality attracts me but it does, she can be very snappy and her sense of humour can be non-existent at times, but my brain is still saying “No chance mate”, my heart is saying “ Hey man, you never know” and my penis is saying “ God damnit will you do something right for once!”
My final blog thought is: Wouldn’t it be cool if I COULD turn into the Hulk!