School-boy
I’ve always contained anarchist thoughts. Ideas of rebellion. None of which have ever surfaced. Like at college last night, there was a brooding, darker version of myself that had lots to say…but just nowhere to voice it. It doesn’t just have to be anarchist thoughts though, just whatever I’m thinking at that moment.
There’s this guy at college who always has to comment…no-one is even talking to him but he still throws something out there. He doesn’t always hit the mark, but there’s a part of me that thinks “nice one mate”. Most of the people I admire in the art world live outside of the box. Kurt Cobain, Bill Hicks, Michael Jackson. People who are confident and able to be themselves in whatever situation falls their way.
I’ve had to make a conscious effort to present myself . I remember when I got into my teens I just turned into this suck up, won’t say a bad word, would sell his own soul lame person. I am still all those things to a high degree, but I’m slowly trying to change that. I remember last week with Liam, I knew what was about to spew out of my mouth was nothing more than vile, disgusting bullshit. I had to stop and ask myself “Hey Alex…what’s your view again?”
Liam had a crap trainer helping him, he declared “If it had been a weaker willed person, they would have gone to pot with her”. When reading that, it would seem an arrogant thing to say, but in the context of what he was actually saying it made sense.
I would have gone to pot with her. My blatant fear of conflict or confrontation is pathetic. I may be turning 20 soon…but I am still a boy, no-where near being a man.
There’s this guy at college who always has to comment…no-one is even talking to him but he still throws something out there. He doesn’t always hit the mark, but there’s a part of me that thinks “nice one mate”. Most of the people I admire in the art world live outside of the box. Kurt Cobain, Bill Hicks, Michael Jackson. People who are confident and able to be themselves in whatever situation falls their way.
I’ve had to make a conscious effort to present myself . I remember when I got into my teens I just turned into this suck up, won’t say a bad word, would sell his own soul lame person. I am still all those things to a high degree, but I’m slowly trying to change that. I remember last week with Liam, I knew what was about to spew out of my mouth was nothing more than vile, disgusting bullshit. I had to stop and ask myself “Hey Alex…what’s your view again?”
Liam had a crap trainer helping him, he declared “If it had been a weaker willed person, they would have gone to pot with her”. When reading that, it would seem an arrogant thing to say, but in the context of what he was actually saying it made sense.
I would have gone to pot with her. My blatant fear of conflict or confrontation is pathetic. I may be turning 20 soon…but I am still a boy, no-where near being a man.
posted by A.Lee at 9:36 AM
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