Still Lee
Me and Aaron were puzzled as to why there were no girls in our entire area growing up. It was odd really and maybe it effected our outcomes in different ways. Aaron treats women like a rapper in a music video. Whereas I am pretty much the opposite, although I always knew not to act like a doormat, I made sure I kept “distance”.
My relationships with girls are inconsistent. That is the best way to describe it…inconsistent. I’m upset with a couple of girls at work now. Sonya had gotten in early and I just sat down on my normal seat, but then she got up and said “I have to do some work” and she moved away.
I have to do some work???? Where are we again?
So she moved away. She came over a couple of times and I could see in the way she interacted that she felt guilty about the way she just left. We both knew that she didn’t need to do that, but I made no fuss of it, I was just normal Alex. It was the best way to go in the end because at least I can’t be accused of stirring up trouble.
And then there is Nicola, who won’t even say anything to me? Just a few days ago all she kept showing me were her Uni photos of her mates and boyfriend. And I thought we were getting along fine but apparently not.
My self hating has vanished. These last few days have been like a trial…to see if I would fall back into old ways of staying up depressed because I believe I am a “no good loser”. The good thing is when you are real with people and only do what you can in any given situation, the outcome, if negative, does not hurt. Obviously only being yourself is no good if your Hitler, but I’m not there yet. Gulp.
I wish Michael Jackson would return. What I mean by that is, when I first got into Michael, it was a big adventure of discovery, but now I know everything…all the songs, the dances….everything. I barely listen to him anymore, every now and then I will but its not the same. All this shit around him does not help. So many people have been trying to tarnish his name for so long, they have succeeded I’m afraid. They have killed the magic. In all fairness what do MJ fans have to look forward to??? The only thing that keeps us a fan is looking back.
I still think he’s fantastic though, I nearly deleted the last paragraph on reflection but I’ll keep it in as a sign of frustration.
Helen rang me while I was at work. Helen is one of my favourite people. There is never an awkward conversation, there are no boundaries and we never fail to make each other laugh. A lot of people at work don’t like her, a supervisor made a truly horrendous comment about her behind her back….what a piece of shit he is.
If Helen wasn’t married with 3 kids, I think we’d run off together lol. People I know like to think they have an “open mind”, but they don’t at all…she is one of the few people who does and I really do appreciate the fact that she found a way into my life or vice versa.
My relationships with girls are inconsistent. That is the best way to describe it…inconsistent. I’m upset with a couple of girls at work now. Sonya had gotten in early and I just sat down on my normal seat, but then she got up and said “I have to do some work” and she moved away.
I have to do some work???? Where are we again?
So she moved away. She came over a couple of times and I could see in the way she interacted that she felt guilty about the way she just left. We both knew that she didn’t need to do that, but I made no fuss of it, I was just normal Alex. It was the best way to go in the end because at least I can’t be accused of stirring up trouble.
And then there is Nicola, who won’t even say anything to me? Just a few days ago all she kept showing me were her Uni photos of her mates and boyfriend. And I thought we were getting along fine but apparently not.
My self hating has vanished. These last few days have been like a trial…to see if I would fall back into old ways of staying up depressed because I believe I am a “no good loser”. The good thing is when you are real with people and only do what you can in any given situation, the outcome, if negative, does not hurt. Obviously only being yourself is no good if your Hitler, but I’m not there yet. Gulp.
I wish Michael Jackson would return. What I mean by that is, when I first got into Michael, it was a big adventure of discovery, but now I know everything…all the songs, the dances….everything. I barely listen to him anymore, every now and then I will but its not the same. All this shit around him does not help. So many people have been trying to tarnish his name for so long, they have succeeded I’m afraid. They have killed the magic. In all fairness what do MJ fans have to look forward to??? The only thing that keeps us a fan is looking back.
I still think he’s fantastic though, I nearly deleted the last paragraph on reflection but I’ll keep it in as a sign of frustration.
Helen rang me while I was at work. Helen is one of my favourite people. There is never an awkward conversation, there are no boundaries and we never fail to make each other laugh. A lot of people at work don’t like her, a supervisor made a truly horrendous comment about her behind her back….what a piece of shit he is.
If Helen wasn’t married with 3 kids, I think we’d run off together lol. People I know like to think they have an “open mind”, but they don’t at all…she is one of the few people who does and I really do appreciate the fact that she found a way into my life or vice versa.
posted by A.Lee at 1:18 PM
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