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I was walking home from work, it had been a crap shift. Barely spoke to anyone, anyone barely spoke to me.
As I was leaving work we had to go through a revolving door to leave. This pretty lady in front of me went round and I went round, as I got round the other side she turned back and said “hey watch it!”, apparently I had pushed the door too hard. “Oh did I catch you? Sorry”
She walked off in disgust. As I walked up the street I seethed with anger, on reflection I wanted to not only catch her but make an imprint of her face in the glass.
I started thinking about the conversations me and Ben used to have down the field. He was the only person I could really talk to. He was the only person in this world who knew what I was going through because he was experiencing the same thing. I miss that, I could be as candid as I wanted with him. It’s times like these that I regret the way things ended with him. If only he hadn’t of been so possessive and controlling we’d still be best buddies. His last words to me in person were “Well fuck off then”
Buddies….hmmm, don’t really have any anymore. Buddies.
I remember in first school where two kids actually had a fight to see who would sit next to me.
This is truly not the world I once knew & it is certainly not the world I was promised. But what promises were these? We had Catholics ramming down our throats that if we “pray to God and follow the 10 commandments blah blah blah” that we would live a good life. We had teachers stating that if we tried our best with studies we would have a good life. But you grow up and learn that most of that is utter bollocks.
I can’t function at the moment. A couple of tears actually rolled down my cheek last night out of sadness.
As I was leaving work we had to go through a revolving door to leave. This pretty lady in front of me went round and I went round, as I got round the other side she turned back and said “hey watch it!”, apparently I had pushed the door too hard. “Oh did I catch you? Sorry”
She walked off in disgust. As I walked up the street I seethed with anger, on reflection I wanted to not only catch her but make an imprint of her face in the glass.
I started thinking about the conversations me and Ben used to have down the field. He was the only person I could really talk to. He was the only person in this world who knew what I was going through because he was experiencing the same thing. I miss that, I could be as candid as I wanted with him. It’s times like these that I regret the way things ended with him. If only he hadn’t of been so possessive and controlling we’d still be best buddies. His last words to me in person were “Well fuck off then”
Buddies….hmmm, don’t really have any anymore. Buddies.
I remember in first school where two kids actually had a fight to see who would sit next to me.
This is truly not the world I once knew & it is certainly not the world I was promised. But what promises were these? We had Catholics ramming down our throats that if we “pray to God and follow the 10 commandments blah blah blah” that we would live a good life. We had teachers stating that if we tried our best with studies we would have a good life. But you grow up and learn that most of that is utter bollocks.
I can’t function at the moment. A couple of tears actually rolled down my cheek last night out of sadness.
posted by A.Lee at 11:28 AM
3 Comments:
Ok Ok Ok.
I've read this for a good few months now, and I've made some observations.
Number 1:
You seem to be waiting for a perfect girl to fall on your lap in your day to day life.
Number 2:
You want that girl so bad that you spend most of the waking day trying to achieve it.
Number 3:
The lack of success you are having is making you into someone who isn't perhaps as fun to be around as you many once have been.
I hope you don't see these as a way of slagging you off. I'd say, from the personality you portray in this blog, that you are too wound up in what you think you SHOULD have.
The fact is, the 'work' setting is (so I'm told) the worst place to forge any relationships or friendships. Mainly because the situations you face day to day are far removed from real life. You don't get an accurate view on anyones personality or interests.
Which could explain why you constantly get the wrong idea with people...and seem surprised when they aren't exactly how you thought them to be.
My advice? Meet people in other situations. There is more to life than work. I don't know what your interests are, but even football (you're a leeds fan, right?) can bring people into your life. People you never thought existed.
Do you play football? Join a team. It'll introduce you to so many social activities.
Then you'll meet some fitty who enjoys the same things you do.
Good luck, and stop worrying.
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