Poverty heart
I finally found a tactic that works on football manager 2005. I’ve owned the game about a month and so far have failed miserably in my attempts of success.
But now I have a tactic which is serving me well.
I just thought you should know that.
Moving on.
It feels like crunch time is approaching. I’m not asking Nina out unless she dumps her boyfriend. I’m not getting involved in any potential triangle situation. I’m not sure what to do now. Was the other night just a semi-drunken play act or something with substance?
At least I’m focusing on other things these days. The reason I didn’t do a full time course again is because I just wouldn’t put enough effort into it to succeed. Ever since me and Ben stopped talking I’ve felt like I was battling through life alone….It felt like I was just trying to survive the daily confusion that I was presented with. I developed an unrealistic crush on Sally just simply to give my life some kind of colour…some kind of dream. It’s hard to wake up each morning with little motivation for the day ahead but that’s what I was doing. I point to last summer in particular when each boiling day would pass without significance. In an odd way I was content with life then. My grans death really blew away the ground beneath me and suddenly I was not content any more. Months and months passed of sheer mental anguish….there were times when I thought suicide might be a life plan worth looking at. It wasn’t because I was lazy, untalented, dull or any other personality trait, it was just simply that I felt alone.
I remember one particular day when catching the bus home from college. There was me and about 2 other people sitting down. It was dark and wet outside and I just remember this feeling of sheer dread drowning me. At that point life seemed hollow. The worst part about all of this was the lack of control I had….I couldn’t force anyone to be with me could I?
Where this thing with Nina came from I have no idea. I got the feeling she didn’t want to speak to me for a couple of months after Christmas but now it’s so different…
When we kissed those feelings of alienation, angst, fury, regret and self pity all floated away. It was like someone was whispering in my ear saying “See, everything is OK”
And that is all I crave deep down. I realise that maybe I am too analytical and sappy but that’s just the way I was made. In the moments we kissed, that was all life was about…and all life was meant to be about. Fuck money, fuck material goods, fuck a career, fuck worry, fuck work, fuck school…you get my point here?
I told you from the start just how this would end,
But I get what I want
So what happens now?
But now I have a tactic which is serving me well.
I just thought you should know that.
Moving on.
It feels like crunch time is approaching. I’m not asking Nina out unless she dumps her boyfriend. I’m not getting involved in any potential triangle situation. I’m not sure what to do now. Was the other night just a semi-drunken play act or something with substance?
At least I’m focusing on other things these days. The reason I didn’t do a full time course again is because I just wouldn’t put enough effort into it to succeed. Ever since me and Ben stopped talking I’ve felt like I was battling through life alone….It felt like I was just trying to survive the daily confusion that I was presented with. I developed an unrealistic crush on Sally just simply to give my life some kind of colour…some kind of dream. It’s hard to wake up each morning with little motivation for the day ahead but that’s what I was doing. I point to last summer in particular when each boiling day would pass without significance. In an odd way I was content with life then. My grans death really blew away the ground beneath me and suddenly I was not content any more. Months and months passed of sheer mental anguish….there were times when I thought suicide might be a life plan worth looking at. It wasn’t because I was lazy, untalented, dull or any other personality trait, it was just simply that I felt alone.
I remember one particular day when catching the bus home from college. There was me and about 2 other people sitting down. It was dark and wet outside and I just remember this feeling of sheer dread drowning me. At that point life seemed hollow. The worst part about all of this was the lack of control I had….I couldn’t force anyone to be with me could I?
Where this thing with Nina came from I have no idea. I got the feeling she didn’t want to speak to me for a couple of months after Christmas but now it’s so different…
When we kissed those feelings of alienation, angst, fury, regret and self pity all floated away. It was like someone was whispering in my ear saying “See, everything is OK”
And that is all I crave deep down. I realise that maybe I am too analytical and sappy but that’s just the way I was made. In the moments we kissed, that was all life was about…and all life was meant to be about. Fuck money, fuck material goods, fuck a career, fuck worry, fuck work, fuck school…you get my point here?
I told you from the start just how this would end,
But I get what I want
So what happens now?
posted by A.Lee at 4:39 PM
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