Expensive night

I’ve lost my phone.
I had bought a digital camera because I wanted to start getting pictures of all the nights out. I’m always seeing pictures of Dave on his nights out and I wanted to copy him (except for that picture of his hairy white leg).
So I have 4 pockets in my jeans. One on the left, one on the right…and two at the back. Usually my mobile is in the side pocket and my wallet is in the other side pocket. I also have ID in one of the back pockets.
I’m getting ID’d or ideed...I’m not sure how you spell that, both are getting the red squiggly lines underneath on Word. So I’m getting my date of birth checked a lot recently. I didn’t get asked for identification this much last year…what’s going on?
Now I had my digital camera and it is a bit of a fat bugger. So I had to put my mobile in my back pocket which I wasn’t comfortable with because I was sure when I sat down my arse would end up dialling 999. I don’t put my key pad lock on because when I drink I forget how to unlock it. But my mobile went in my back pocket regardless.
I went out and when I woke up next morning I had a hangover and no phone. I lost so many numbers that I won’t get back that it’s taken me days to get over it.
I looked at my digital camera to see what photo’s I had gotten and they were all terrible i.e not worth losing my phone over. One of the pictures was of Nina looking like she was about to attack me. Neither of us remember that but I did find a strange scratch on my face the next day.
What was more annoying was that everyone who found out I had lost my phone kept saying “that was an expensive night then.” My mum said it, my driving instructor said it and my tutor said it.
Now I have to get a new phone and that’s quite a daunting task for someone like me. I might just nick Nina’s and when people question me about the pink cover I will just tell them I’m colour blind.
I’ve honestly spent so much this month that I just can’t budget getting a phone at the moment. I nicked my dads last time and I’ve noticed over the last few days he’s been holding onto his current one with quite a strenuous grip.
Don’t worry Pa I’m not gonna nick your brick!
That’s another thing. When I first told Nina that my phone had been lost or stolen, I fully expected a caring hug, or at least…a blowjob. But she just said “It’s lost ‘cos no-one would steal that in a million years.”
Ok it wasn’t the most attractive phone but it had other qualities such as the keys being big enough to press at 3AM in the morning.
I’ve left a message on the phone so if anyone finds it they know the address to send it back to. I realised though, that if the phone was stolen, then I’ve given my home address to a thief. Nice.