The bag of tricks (Random title)

I saw a picture of Ben at college.
It is 3 years since I last talked to him.
It was weird seeing his face before I started my college class. He looks to have lost weight.
There were two contrasting photo’s of him. One was something I hadn’t seen before, I didn’t expect to see that.
He was almost smiling at the camera, confidence shone through the picture. The other picture was exactly what I thought it would be.
He had his hand up to his face, almost like he was covering it up, and he looked timid. I saw so much in that look.
I saw myself in that look.
I noticed a picture of a lad in my current class and I asked him if he knew Ben.
“Yup, I know him.”
He didn’t tell me much but he ended it with “I haven’t seen him at class for a few weeks.”
It wouldn’t surprise me if he had quit the course.
I also had a dream about Ben last week. It was a really long dream. I invited him for a night out and he knew nothing about what you had to wear or anything.
I think that is one of the things I really like about him, the fact that he knew nothing about fitting into “this society”
Like me, he had no fashion sense at all. He would wear white socks with black shoes to an interview (like I did) and he would wear a bright orange coat that was hideous but he didn’t realise it was.
We were both like that. Completely unready for the real world lol.
We should have stuck together through thick and thin but I bailed.
Well, he bailed first.
But what’s happened has happened. I’m just grateful for the friendship we did share.
The good times were fantastic.
It was always the simple things. We always found the comedy in the tragedy. Always.
After I saw his picture I walked out of college and I thought to myself “Ya know, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if we bumped into each other.”
It is with me to give him a ring someday.
As time moves on the wounds of what happened 3 years ago heal over.
I always moan and cry about not having close mates now but he was my close friend, unfortunately every time I think about getting back in touch I remember how unfriend like he could be.
The situation forced a lot of that on him though.
The reason why this blog has been drying up is because I’ve started to feel less sentimental about things. It was a conscious effort and it also started to occur naturally.
Me talking about Ben then. That’s how I feel about it. If I get caught in the moment or something reminds me of a memory of our friendship, then I will think about it.
But I don’t go looking for it anymore.
Moving on.
I had a meeting with my manager at work and it was refreshing to hear her views about life in general. We agreed on a lot of points and I found myself revealing quite a lot of my inner thoughts.
It’s good to have someone like that at work. I know that once a month we will meet up and we will get to bitch about people in the workplace….sorry but I love it.
Not in a spiteful way.
But it’s good to talk about the moaners there.
These certain people always moaning at work. Then when you challenge them to change jobs they immediately perk up and say “well, it’s not that bad.”