There...somewhere
Well hello there.
This blog used to be updated nearly daily. Now it’s luck to have a new post every 6 months.
A lot of things have changed and some things…not at all.
I’ve ended up getting back in touch with a lo of old friends. It has proved mostly successful but a part of me believes most of the relationships won’t ever be restored to what they once were.
Take Ben for example. We are back in contact after 3 years. At first we started going out once a week and it was great. Here was someone I could talk about anything with. Now, however, we haven’t been out for 3 weeks and it looks like neither of us are going to bother bridging the developing gap.
I dunno.
The most confusing part of life I’ve found so far is other people. Some people you can bet your house on to pull though for ya and others will continue to disappoint you until the end of time.
I was at an open day on Wednesday for uni. I was there by myself and everything about it looked great but I have this fear inside of me that says I won’t fit in. Surely I’m too weird to fit in? I’m a person who last Sunday after been given a free tv link…sat and watched Red Dwarf for ages. Surely someone who does that can’t fit in with the sophisticates of university?
I’m hoping to attend a journalism course and as a little task for the day we had to interview someone in the room who we didn’t know. I had no problem with this and found myself approaching a young girl who was sat with hr mother. I asked if I could interview her and she agreed.
We started talking and it was going great…I thought I was being quite charming. I was making her laugh and I tried to get a repore with her.
But then it tuned. We started to run out of things to say and I started saying things that probably weireded her out. After the task she excused herself and went back to her mother.
After we left the open day and as I waited for the bus, she drove by in her car with her mum. She didn’t wave to me or anything…maybe she didn’t see me…who knows?
But I started to think about a romantic version of how our encounter could have been. If I was the right person. I thought about how we would have got a drink after, she would have introduced me to her mum. Then I would have gone off and thought nothing of it. Then in September when the uni course starts I’m rummaging through my bag in the class when someone taps me on the shoulder. It’s her. After class we get something to eat and it’s the start of a great friendship.
Things like that don’t happen to me though. I usually say the wrong thing or just simply not say anything at all.
The fragility of those first meetings, so important to the future.
I’m certain of one thing though, I have not met “my” people. My group of friends. I refuse to feel alone forever and because of that I believe I will be granted true friends somewhere along the line, because of my openness and my willingness to accept the right people into my life, I will be saved from a lonely existence forever.
I’ m hoping university provides me with these people. Meet some other weirdo’s.
This blog used to be updated nearly daily. Now it’s luck to have a new post every 6 months.
A lot of things have changed and some things…not at all.
I’ve ended up getting back in touch with a lo of old friends. It has proved mostly successful but a part of me believes most of the relationships won’t ever be restored to what they once were.
Take Ben for example. We are back in contact after 3 years. At first we started going out once a week and it was great. Here was someone I could talk about anything with. Now, however, we haven’t been out for 3 weeks and it looks like neither of us are going to bother bridging the developing gap.
I dunno.
The most confusing part of life I’ve found so far is other people. Some people you can bet your house on to pull though for ya and others will continue to disappoint you until the end of time.
I was at an open day on Wednesday for uni. I was there by myself and everything about it looked great but I have this fear inside of me that says I won’t fit in. Surely I’m too weird to fit in? I’m a person who last Sunday after been given a free tv link…sat and watched Red Dwarf for ages. Surely someone who does that can’t fit in with the sophisticates of university?
I’m hoping to attend a journalism course and as a little task for the day we had to interview someone in the room who we didn’t know. I had no problem with this and found myself approaching a young girl who was sat with hr mother. I asked if I could interview her and she agreed.
We started talking and it was going great…I thought I was being quite charming. I was making her laugh and I tried to get a repore with her.
But then it tuned. We started to run out of things to say and I started saying things that probably weireded her out. After the task she excused herself and went back to her mother.
After we left the open day and as I waited for the bus, she drove by in her car with her mum. She didn’t wave to me or anything…maybe she didn’t see me…who knows?
But I started to think about a romantic version of how our encounter could have been. If I was the right person. I thought about how we would have got a drink after, she would have introduced me to her mum. Then I would have gone off and thought nothing of it. Then in September when the uni course starts I’m rummaging through my bag in the class when someone taps me on the shoulder. It’s her. After class we get something to eat and it’s the start of a great friendship.
Things like that don’t happen to me though. I usually say the wrong thing or just simply not say anything at all.
The fragility of those first meetings, so important to the future.
I’m certain of one thing though, I have not met “my” people. My group of friends. I refuse to feel alone forever and because of that I believe I will be granted true friends somewhere along the line, because of my openness and my willingness to accept the right people into my life, I will be saved from a lonely existence forever.
I’ m hoping university provides me with these people. Meet some other weirdo’s.
posted by A.Lee at 4:54 PM
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