Somebody

Last night was Sonya’s leaving dinner. Initially I didn’t think she was having one but it turned out she was.
It ended how it had always been. I spent the entire evening thinking about how much I would miss this person and I ended up barely speaking a word to her all night. At the end we hugged and I got a bit drunk at a nightclub to help alleviate my regret at how the evening had panned out.
Today I felt real gutted that it hadn’t ended with a laugh. I had this worry that because of how limp last night was, she wouldn’t miss me.
I barely talked at work today because I just couldn’t find the enthusiasm. Yvonne was partially subdued but she had her friend, Lisa, sat next to her and they just chatted away. I remember back in February before I did my training that I was feeling isolated at work. New guys had joined our team and I had lost contact with old colleagues. It would turn out that on the course I would finally get to know Liam better but at the start…there was no-one really. You can test how socially connected at work you are by the number of people you can send an e-mail to. Sonya was the only person I could send a note to.
Melissa and Nina decided to have a get together today for lunch so we could discuss about a possible holiday in August. I don’t know why but I must have had sign on that said “kick me” because they couldn’t stop firing little jibes at me.
And it wasn’t a laugh and it wasn’t fun, it was just mean spirited.
Reading that I just realise that I’m particularly sensitive at this moment.