Talking and talking

The situation that changes your character.
I felt like I had done it for the wrong reasons this morning. Well maybe not entirely.
It was a university house party last night and I ended up doing a few lines of coke. I was really nervous about this party beforehand.
Nina’s summer fling from Holland was visiting and after everything I’d heard…he was Mr Wonderful.
So the party started and things were slow. I was talking to a couple of people but it was really boring conversation. I saw the Dutch bloke and he was like the entertainer.
I also saw Nina looked like she was entranced. I got paranoid and thought “I am not making a big enough splash at this party.”
A couple of guys I was talking to had done a few lines before we had gone out and they offered me the chance of doing a line myself.
I accepted.
But I’m kind of confused in myself at the moment…is it wrong to do a line of coke just to make yourself feel easier in social situations? Should you just be yourself and that will be enough?
I was almost trying to compete with this Dutch bloke.
How did the drug itself feel? There were no immediate effects but after a few moments I suddenly felt “lifted”.
Being honest I am the good boy, a home-bird, the shy guy…not a rebellious bone in my body (even though at times I wish there was).
So I shocked myself really.