For the flag
Funny Wednesday shift is off tomorrow. I’ve got to sit somewhere else for whatever reason. Today has been stressful.
We’ve been told at work to go for a more American attitude when dealing with customers.
“Have a nice day sir”
…and all of that. It’s all bollocks really…the Americanisation of the world is quite depressing.
The amount of surveillance staff are under in our workplace now is very alarming. Apparently they have ways of hearing us even when our mikes are turned off. Are they that suspicious?
Yesterday I noticed this chap watching me the whole time as I walked to work. At first I wondered if it was Ben…I couldn’t see the face properly. Every now and then I have to rationalise how things ended with Ben. Maybe out of guilt, maybe out of justification - I’m not sure. It’s been 2 years since we spoke and in that 2 years so much has changed. It was a surreal little bubble that me and Ben lived in for a period of time. Quitting college at 16 and not doing anything until I was 18. Those 2 years were lost but it was necessary. We both needed a break from society and that may sound stupid to say but that’s just how it was. Neither of us wanted to study or work, we just wanted to write a Tv show or something. It was a part of my life that was extremely negative but as I said before…necessary. Then I had a buddy to share everything with, worries, fears…everything. I think it was too much though. I remember one time, it must have been the summer of 2002, the stars were out and we spent Saturday night down a field lamenting life. By the end we came to the conclusion that however we were feeling we could just look up and it all became so simple. Well that lasted about 1 day before we reverted back. I miss being able to share that much with someone…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, but I am a true independent now.
I wish Nina worked a couple more days a week. It sucks that she’s only in towards the end of the week. I need to get another night out with her organised. I wish she’d just start some dialogue with me first though. I looked back at the e-mails she’d sent me from the 5 previous weeks before last Sunday and there was just all the ingredients for two people to really start liking each other. At first she was timid to get into any kind of detailed conversation but then gradually as the days passed the e-mails begin to light up with enthusiasm and humour.
Truth be told. That Sunday where we kissed was exactly what I wanted…of course it would be….a girl who you really like actually starts sticking her tongue down your throat…whose gonna turn their back on that? But if you’d have told me that it was gonna cause this distance maybe I would have been more hesitant. Dave left a comment about me giving her space and while agree with that, I just can’t help this feeling that me and Nina just won’t happen…
My “career” is on stand by. All I know to do is keep with the courses and that’s it. My mind is always miles away from thinking about future prospects. There’s far too much personal shit to get sorted first.
Anyone who reads this will know the day I am satisfied in my personal life…’cos it will be the day I stop blogging.
We’ve been told at work to go for a more American attitude when dealing with customers.
“Have a nice day sir”
…and all of that. It’s all bollocks really…the Americanisation of the world is quite depressing.
The amount of surveillance staff are under in our workplace now is very alarming. Apparently they have ways of hearing us even when our mikes are turned off. Are they that suspicious?
Yesterday I noticed this chap watching me the whole time as I walked to work. At first I wondered if it was Ben…I couldn’t see the face properly. Every now and then I have to rationalise how things ended with Ben. Maybe out of guilt, maybe out of justification - I’m not sure. It’s been 2 years since we spoke and in that 2 years so much has changed. It was a surreal little bubble that me and Ben lived in for a period of time. Quitting college at 16 and not doing anything until I was 18. Those 2 years were lost but it was necessary. We both needed a break from society and that may sound stupid to say but that’s just how it was. Neither of us wanted to study or work, we just wanted to write a Tv show or something. It was a part of my life that was extremely negative but as I said before…necessary. Then I had a buddy to share everything with, worries, fears…everything. I think it was too much though. I remember one time, it must have been the summer of 2002, the stars were out and we spent Saturday night down a field lamenting life. By the end we came to the conclusion that however we were feeling we could just look up and it all became so simple. Well that lasted about 1 day before we reverted back. I miss being able to share that much with someone…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, but I am a true independent now.
I wish Nina worked a couple more days a week. It sucks that she’s only in towards the end of the week. I need to get another night out with her organised. I wish she’d just start some dialogue with me first though. I looked back at the e-mails she’d sent me from the 5 previous weeks before last Sunday and there was just all the ingredients for two people to really start liking each other. At first she was timid to get into any kind of detailed conversation but then gradually as the days passed the e-mails begin to light up with enthusiasm and humour.
Truth be told. That Sunday where we kissed was exactly what I wanted…of course it would be….a girl who you really like actually starts sticking her tongue down your throat…whose gonna turn their back on that? But if you’d have told me that it was gonna cause this distance maybe I would have been more hesitant. Dave left a comment about me giving her space and while agree with that, I just can’t help this feeling that me and Nina just won’t happen…
My “career” is on stand by. All I know to do is keep with the courses and that’s it. My mind is always miles away from thinking about future prospects. There’s far too much personal shit to get sorted first.
Anyone who reads this will know the day I am satisfied in my personal life…’cos it will be the day I stop blogging.
posted by A.Lee at 12:48 PM
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