Where do you go from the bottom?

Today was a group meeting and for the second time running I took an absolute beating. People were jibing and all of that. I took it well and got some laughs. At first I was crumbling under the spotlight but ya know I just took it in good humour…what else could I do? All my embarrassing drunk exploits were revealed and they had a recording of me sounding like a donkey…and they played it at the team meeting!
Orite I get it…I’m a clown and it doesn’t look like I’ll ever be respected.
I wasn’t bothered by any of it (that much) because Jill took a beating as well and you have to say she’s one of the most well liked people there. Hint…hint.
The only thing that bothered me was Yvonne. Immediately after that meeting I knew something had changed. She was all of a sudden not talkative and now knew my “dark side”….what am I Darth Vader!!! What the fuck is that!
Drink is evil man.
I always wished I was seen as a fun figure rather than a figure of fun. I think I’m seen as both by these people.
Barely any of them know what I’m like underneath…the depression and rage. Maybe they are too stronger words but there’s a sadness that I carry around with me. A constant worry clings on to me.
I think the part of me that was inspired by MJ was the part of me that feels completely different to anyone else. I just feel like the real me will be rejected by everyone…every time I just relax and try to have a good time there is always someone ready to pounce and take the piss.