Stepping out

There is all that potential out there but I just feel crushed under this social pressure. It seems like everyone I talk to has thousands of people to call on at once and I barely have anyone. Nina was talking today about her friends etc and I just feel like nothing in comparison.
I think I would have left home by now had it not been for my mum. She doesn’t have a lot going on. She doesn’t work and has lost contact with everyone outside her family. I feel like I need to live at home just so she’ll be happy.
She confirms this mind set because everytime I’ve talked about moving away she immediately gets anxious and dismisses me.
That really doesn’t help.
It also doesn’t help that I can’t seem to meet anyone. I really feel like I need to be in a relationship now, not only for the companionship and confidence it gives…but also the motivation.
I’d like to be with someone and think “I want to work my arse off to get us somewhere”. At the moment there’s nothing anywhere near that.
I feel smothered by my mum sometimes. I don’t know what she expects from me. If it was up to her we’d spend all day together and at my age I just can’t do it, nay, I don’t want to do it. This was one of my biggest fears since losing my gran…that my mum would become dependant on me. She constantly puts down anything adventuress I want to do. She has always been extremely conservative, her and my dad are perfect for each other….they never go anywhere or do anything.
My dad works all the time and never wants to go away at the weekend and my mum just wants to stay indoors all the time.
I’ve been invited to Manchester by Nina for her birthday at the weekend…I wasn’t going to go until I was just insulted by my mum.
She actually said to me “Me, you and dad could book a weeks holiday away together”
Does she understand me at all? That’s the last thing on this planet I would want to do. So I’m gonna go away this weekend & I can’t wait to see the look on my mums face when I tell her….priceless.