Satanic Hils

…And was Jerusalem built here?
I noticed something Sunday night. I didn’t feel like I was yearning to be in a relationship.
How did I get to that position?
I finally accepted that I had to go into this new term clear of mind. I had made a good start.
But what happens you finally stop yearning for that one thing? Life pops a kink in the armour.
Nina announced she had split from her boyfriend. Her and Sandra had been talking about it and according to Sandra this left the door open for me?
Then Nina e-mails me and tries to lure me into making plans with her next year for a holiday.
Woah, woah, woah.
Why is this happening now? Why, when I have put all those feelings I had, and managed to get rid of them, is she suddenly doing this?
But the whole thing reeked of desperateness. She was so clingy in her e-mails.
And that just isn’t going to cut it for me. She’s panicking because she’s lost her boyfriend. She sees me as an easy pickup and someone to fill the void.
This is a person who hasn’t been out of a relationship since age 15.
And that’s all this sudden interest was. A panic attack.
Now I noticed something when she got off her holiday with Melissa. She’d met a Dutch guy over there and from what I can tell they really liked each other.
Problem is he’s in Holland, but I have no doubt that if he was here…I would not have a chance…again.
And again, that just isn’t going to cut it for me.
She said about touring Australia and America. I was up for a America but I’m not interested in going to Australia straight afterwards. She told me to stop being rigid. I told her that I would love to go to America next year but if she wants to go to Australia she can go with someone else.
And that wasn’t going to cut it for her. She wants a commitment out of me. She wants to be able to think in her own head that she has something guaranteed next year.
Like I said, the whole thing was rushed and reeked of desperateness.
I grinned to myself. If this had of been the last few months, I would have been doing cart wheels.
But I aint going to fuck up the mental position I’ve had to force myself into.
I know what will happen with Nina. She’ll eventually end up with someone else very shortly and she’ll go from one uninspiring relationship to another.
Her first B/F beat her up…her second B/F took money from her and cheated on her.
Me and Nina was just never destined to happen. Just not meant to be.