Sign O' the Times

Back at work.
It was OK. It was work.
Nina has blown off the trip to America next year.
She’s smitten with the Dutch bloke she met on holiday and all she is thinking about is going back there every 3 months. So no time for America.
Completely understandable. A shame though because with that trip in the back of my mind at least it was something to look forward to.
I’d like a second chance with a few of my old friends.
I saw Jim the other week. We’d been through it all at upper school. I texted him on my phone (I salvaged his number from somewhere). He said hi and when I asked if a few of us old pals could meet up for a drink…there was no reply. That was about a week ago now.
Most of them have taken that stance with me. I feel like these should people should be my mates. I feel like these should be the people I go drinking with at the weekend, the people I go watch footy with.
But they don’t want to know me. They have their own lives now. They have new friends. There isn’t a second chance unfortunately.
It hurts though, it really fucking hurts me. I’ve got a few of them as contacts on my msn. I never see them online and when I try to say hello they just ignore me.
All this was OK because there was always the promise of new friends. I’m starting to think that I won’t have my own group of friends to go out with anymore.
When the word “smitten” was used to describe how Nina feels about her new Dutch boyfriend, a wave of disappointment flowed through me. I felt like someone had just stabbed me. When I hear about all these other people going out together and going on holidays together I do feel slightly jealous.
It made me chuckle to hear Melissa describe herself as a loner today. She just quickly threw it in with no consideration for what the word meant. I pressed her about it at first because I pondered…”What if she is a loner.”
It turns out she was just pissed off about a caller.
No they have no idea. I used to think I was a bit of loner. I used to think that because I was quiet.
Now I know what it’s like to truly be a loner. I’m talking about having no-one to call and no-one to see.
That is my definition of a loner. Although I guess it can be a feeling you just have inside of yourself. I just wish I had a second chance.
I’ve worked all day. Talked and talked and talked, yet all I want to do is talk with some mates or a bird.
On the bright side. I’ve gone as down as I can about all of these things. I will get that down again I’m sure but at least I know I can perk myself up. College seems to be picking up nicely.
And like the Shawshank redemption taught us. There is always hope.
Surely things won’t be like this forever? I just have to stick to my guns and have the best intentions with people.
I’ve suddenly gotten into princes music aswell…