Missing crew
I can feel it.
When my schedule is full and there are places to be, I can’t wait for it to be over. Then when it is over and there isn’t anything coming up…it feels shit.
I don’t understand the mentality there.
This weekend there is nothing planned and I’m kind of dreading it.
Things feel tough at the minute. I’m having a hard time getting my head round these new courses. There are parts of them that are very niggley. They are perfectly doable but you start to question the motivations when you look at things.
My weeks are like this:
Work, college,1 night out…2 if lucky.
Quite a few weeks there are no nights out.
I just don’t seem to be able to relax and enjoy things. When I go out I’m always nervous and I’m sick of feeling that way. I’m anxious before I got to college and I’m sick of that too. But it’s just who I am.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My mum and dad are terrible when comes to them being taken out of their comfortable surroundings. My mum goes on the defensive and my dad gets all wound up and depressed.
Ya know and neither of them have any friends. They lost contact with them all and now they only have family.
I’m scared that I’m destined to just end up that way too.
Its just been one of those periods at the minute. My mood has been good but I’ve been quiet and reserved.
Little things are gnawing at me. Mark left last night and that’s another friend gone. There are barely any left. If I’m honest, there is only Louis who I would consider a proper friend. I feel like I should have more. I feel like I should be able to ring someone up and just go out impromptu. I was walking around town with these two other people from college and they got at least two rings or a text message through the break. I didn’t get either. No-one has sent me a text all week, my phone might aswell have been off.
That’s what’s bothering me. My inability to have friendships. Mistakes I’ve made in the past that sabotaged any possible long term links. Situations that were out of my control that ruined opportunities to get to know someone.
I’ve moaned about not having a girlfriend but that isn’t the root of the problem. It’s this friend situation. I used to know people online but now I know no-one. It’s fucked up and It’s partly my fault but I just didn’t know things would end up like this, I really didn’t know.
I just wanna go out and have fun with y’all.
When my schedule is full and there are places to be, I can’t wait for it to be over. Then when it is over and there isn’t anything coming up…it feels shit.
I don’t understand the mentality there.
This weekend there is nothing planned and I’m kind of dreading it.
Things feel tough at the minute. I’m having a hard time getting my head round these new courses. There are parts of them that are very niggley. They are perfectly doable but you start to question the motivations when you look at things.
My weeks are like this:
Work, college,1 night out…2 if lucky.
Quite a few weeks there are no nights out.
I just don’t seem to be able to relax and enjoy things. When I go out I’m always nervous and I’m sick of feeling that way. I’m anxious before I got to college and I’m sick of that too. But it’s just who I am.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My mum and dad are terrible when comes to them being taken out of their comfortable surroundings. My mum goes on the defensive and my dad gets all wound up and depressed.
Ya know and neither of them have any friends. They lost contact with them all and now they only have family.
I’m scared that I’m destined to just end up that way too.
Its just been one of those periods at the minute. My mood has been good but I’ve been quiet and reserved.
Little things are gnawing at me. Mark left last night and that’s another friend gone. There are barely any left. If I’m honest, there is only Louis who I would consider a proper friend. I feel like I should have more. I feel like I should be able to ring someone up and just go out impromptu. I was walking around town with these two other people from college and they got at least two rings or a text message through the break. I didn’t get either. No-one has sent me a text all week, my phone might aswell have been off.
That’s what’s bothering me. My inability to have friendships. Mistakes I’ve made in the past that sabotaged any possible long term links. Situations that were out of my control that ruined opportunities to get to know someone.
I’ve moaned about not having a girlfriend but that isn’t the root of the problem. It’s this friend situation. I used to know people online but now I know no-one. It’s fucked up and It’s partly my fault but I just didn’t know things would end up like this, I really didn’t know.
I just wanna go out and have fun with y’all.
posted by A.Lee at 12:38 PM
1 Comments:
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