All my brothers walk hand in hand tell me why...
Grrrr, I just lost half a blog I’d been typing up, I can’t be bothered to re-type it so I’ll think of something new.
I want to write something a bit lighter than what I have been doing. Whenever I think I can shed the negativity in my life, and throw away the old me….a part of me is hesitant. I don’t want to be Mr Happy, who is so ignorant of the bad in life that he just annoys everyone, I want to be realistic but more happy in myself. The best poetry I write is usually when I’m feeling my worst, such as the poem that will be published, it’s a dark poem….its born out of sadness and frailty. I’ve written poems when I’m feeling happier and they just don’t have the same effect, they seem bland and trivial and when I look at them, I shudder because they are nothing. The poetry I read is also of darker subjects, death, depression, loneliness etc. When I read a poem about the summer or about a pet rabbit, there is no connection…sure I can admire the technical skill but not the emotion.
I’m scared of resigning this part of me, he’s been with me since I became a teenager…self-consciousness, depressed, angst, low self esteem, laziness, self pity, loneliness, shyness. You could say all of these attributes I have shown over the years, and last year I was set with them, not even wanting to change. But like I said in an earlier blog, a burning desire is growing, a willingness to throw out the old. I’m just held back for now, but slowly the shell is hatching and I’ll be ready to emerge and take the world head-on….
“Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide”
Trust yourself, I like that….after all, you are in control of your own actions and as a lot of people have told me “its all about looking after number 1”. I am a selfish person, I haven’t visited my Grandma since she got diagnosed with cancer, my uncle is down stairs but I can’t be bothered to say hi, I’m just not interested in doing so. When I feel good about things, I suddenly become more receptive to other people, they start to exist again. A lot of the time however, I just think “I can’t be arsed, you’ve got problems, I’ve got problems…big deal” and its not like other people are rushing to my aid anyway, no-one visits me…old friends don’t stay in touch, there’s only Ben who has ever reached out.
But fuck it, if you know the rules to the game play Cause when we die we know were all going the same way - Eminem, Rock Bottom
I want to write something a bit lighter than what I have been doing. Whenever I think I can shed the negativity in my life, and throw away the old me….a part of me is hesitant. I don’t want to be Mr Happy, who is so ignorant of the bad in life that he just annoys everyone, I want to be realistic but more happy in myself. The best poetry I write is usually when I’m feeling my worst, such as the poem that will be published, it’s a dark poem….its born out of sadness and frailty. I’ve written poems when I’m feeling happier and they just don’t have the same effect, they seem bland and trivial and when I look at them, I shudder because they are nothing. The poetry I read is also of darker subjects, death, depression, loneliness etc. When I read a poem about the summer or about a pet rabbit, there is no connection…sure I can admire the technical skill but not the emotion.
I’m scared of resigning this part of me, he’s been with me since I became a teenager…self-consciousness, depressed, angst, low self esteem, laziness, self pity, loneliness, shyness. You could say all of these attributes I have shown over the years, and last year I was set with them, not even wanting to change. But like I said in an earlier blog, a burning desire is growing, a willingness to throw out the old. I’m just held back for now, but slowly the shell is hatching and I’ll be ready to emerge and take the world head-on….
“Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide”
Trust yourself, I like that….after all, you are in control of your own actions and as a lot of people have told me “its all about looking after number 1”. I am a selfish person, I haven’t visited my Grandma since she got diagnosed with cancer, my uncle is down stairs but I can’t be bothered to say hi, I’m just not interested in doing so. When I feel good about things, I suddenly become more receptive to other people, they start to exist again. A lot of the time however, I just think “I can’t be arsed, you’ve got problems, I’ve got problems…big deal” and its not like other people are rushing to my aid anyway, no-one visits me…old friends don’t stay in touch, there’s only Ben who has ever reached out.
But fuck it, if you know the rules to the game play Cause when we die we know were all going the same way - Eminem, Rock Bottom
posted by A.Lee at 2:21 AM
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