Oh me

I talked to Ben on MSN last night. The first time in a year, I think I know why he got in contact with me again. His girlfriend cheated on him and he’s quit his college course, I think he wanted to visit last year with us two walking down the field cursing life. Even so, it was nice talking to him…we immediately clicked, and its probably the deepest conversation I’ve had with anyone for months. I still feel as though he’s the only person who understands how I feel about certain things. It seemed he wanted to kick start the friendship again but I’m not ready for that, I’m too weary of him.
Sally came on MSN last night as well. I tried to be upbeat and bubbly, but we just didn’t really connect. She only responded to me with one word answers, and after 10 minutes the conversation had fizzled out. I guess we are just too different and it hurts to think that we won’t have a deeper relationship, but that’s everyone I meet nowadays…nothing but a few laughs, nothing real. And there’s Ben, waiting to be a mate, and I’m shunning him.
I can’t tell you how screwed up I feel, ya know what me and Ben really wanted? We just wanted girlfriends and to be on our way in a career. We never wanted to hurt anyone, we never wanted to make anyone unhappy….we were one of the few people in our 2nd School who didn’t take the piss out of others. We want to live in a rosy world basically, it’s unrealistic but that’s what we will always be searching for.