Knocked out
In a way I’ll be glad when Sam has left work. He’s too loved, he’s too popular. He’s always the centre of attention, not a joke falls flat, not an embarrassing moment occurs. He talks to Mary, an older woman…they get on and she can’t wait to see him next. He talks to Len, a 20 year old popular guy himself, and he can’t wait to talk to Sam again. I asked someone about this and its because Sam is charming, warm and very funny. Whereas I, am as charming as a rusty nail, as warm as an ice cube and as funny as Hitler. Why sugar-coat it? I know what everyone thinks of me…
I observed Sam this morning, all the girls that went over to him had a big smile on there faces…they actually wanted to be in his presence. There seems to be one rule for some and another rule for others. Mark who recently joined, joked to me about dumb and dumber (that awesome Jim Carrey film), then this girl Kate asked what he was laughing at, and he said “dumb and dumber, have you seen it?” I fully expected Kate to give Mark a negative reaction, but instead she was intrigued and asked him what it was like. Why am I shocked she choose this response? Rewind 1 month, I was on about Ace ventura and she asked what I was banging on about, so I told her….and do you know what reaction I got? She looked as if id just whipped my dick out and slapped it in front of her.
So what is the deal? I just don’t understand, my intentions with people are pure…I try to be a friendly person but people seem to dislike that. I am a woman repellent and it aggravates me when I see them flocking to Sam, he has them all wrapped around his little finger, when he leaves they will be mourning his loss, when I leave half of them won’t say bye.
That’s something else I’ve noticed as well, when someone leaves to go home at night I say bye to them, when I leave, no-one bothers saying anything. I’m struggling to see the advantages of being a decent person here, why should I bother caring anymore?
Sally says to me last night “I’m doing an all nighter” so I was on MSN a bit longer than normal, but It got to 12:30 and she started giving it “You should get some sleep ya know”…she couldn’t wait to get rid of me, so I asked her what she was doing…she was talking to Phil, another guy from work who was starting just as early as me the next day, she didn’t tell him to get some sleep though.
I’ve got 3 posters in front of me. Kurt Cobain, Ali and Tony Montana….these 3 icons all represent a part of me that wants to break out. I want to be as open as Kurt was with his ideas and thoughts, I want to be as strong and as competitive as Ali and sometimes I want to be a bit of a bastard like Tony Montana. As I right this I feel this part of me inside, waiting to explode. But I catch a glimpse of my reflection and realise I am none of these men, I’m just Alex….a nothing
I observed Sam this morning, all the girls that went over to him had a big smile on there faces…they actually wanted to be in his presence. There seems to be one rule for some and another rule for others. Mark who recently joined, joked to me about dumb and dumber (that awesome Jim Carrey film), then this girl Kate asked what he was laughing at, and he said “dumb and dumber, have you seen it?” I fully expected Kate to give Mark a negative reaction, but instead she was intrigued and asked him what it was like. Why am I shocked she choose this response? Rewind 1 month, I was on about Ace ventura and she asked what I was banging on about, so I told her….and do you know what reaction I got? She looked as if id just whipped my dick out and slapped it in front of her.
So what is the deal? I just don’t understand, my intentions with people are pure…I try to be a friendly person but people seem to dislike that. I am a woman repellent and it aggravates me when I see them flocking to Sam, he has them all wrapped around his little finger, when he leaves they will be mourning his loss, when I leave half of them won’t say bye.
That’s something else I’ve noticed as well, when someone leaves to go home at night I say bye to them, when I leave, no-one bothers saying anything. I’m struggling to see the advantages of being a decent person here, why should I bother caring anymore?
Sally says to me last night “I’m doing an all nighter” so I was on MSN a bit longer than normal, but It got to 12:30 and she started giving it “You should get some sleep ya know”…she couldn’t wait to get rid of me, so I asked her what she was doing…she was talking to Phil, another guy from work who was starting just as early as me the next day, she didn’t tell him to get some sleep though.
I’ve got 3 posters in front of me. Kurt Cobain, Ali and Tony Montana….these 3 icons all represent a part of me that wants to break out. I want to be as open as Kurt was with his ideas and thoughts, I want to be as strong and as competitive as Ali and sometimes I want to be a bit of a bastard like Tony Montana. As I right this I feel this part of me inside, waiting to explode. But I catch a glimpse of my reflection and realise I am none of these men, I’m just Alex….a nothing
posted by A.Lee at 8:57 AM
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