Someone at college said to me about 6 months ago “I used to be like you, running away”. It’s true, but before I go off into a big rant about how incapable I am, I need to stop, reassess and take positive action.

So here goes:

I have a social anxiety and a fear of losing independence.
I struggle to talk in front of groups of people, therefore I’m reluctant to put myself in the spot-light.
I had Ben round my neck for so long that now I shun any potential new friends because I don’t want to be trapped again.
So the positive action I need to take is the direct opposite of my first instinct. If someone invites me out, if someone asks a favour of me, basically if people want to be in my life…I let this happen. So if any of these come up I’m just going to say yes, without any thought.

It’s OK to blog thoughts down and to run around in circles pretending you have beaten you’re fears, when in reality you have done nothing of the sort, the next step is action….I enroll at college next week and Sam is having a big leaving party. I intend to throw myself into these events with 100% gusto. Talking and thinking will get you so far, but action is the only thing that can change a situation.

If you are reading this and think I’m a complete retard, try to remember that a lot of people have the same fears and anxiety’s as I do, and I haven’t been doing anything to change that. But before I didn’t want to change, now I really do.
I don’t want sympathy for it, and I don’t deserve it, we all have our own battles to fight. I may be incapable in that aspect of my life, but in others I have been well taken care of. I saw a quote recently that sums it up for me.
“You miss 100% of the shots you never take”
Kind of like Leeds then, but you get the idea…