Mass confusion

Sometimes I hark on about the morals of those jocks who sleep around with lots of girls and never call them again.
I protest that this kind of behaviour serves our society no good at all. I anticipate the afterlife which awaits them….ready to condemn and punish these jocks.
In reality I’m jealous as hell. Sometimes I am anyway.
People with superior looks and attitude than myself. Parading in a paradise of non-committal, pulsating, rabid sexual feasting while I’m at home playing grand theft auto.
Uh?
To hell they shall be banished…but man what a ride.
Does a hell even await them? And besides, they don’t deserve to go to hell just for having numerous sexual adventures. Sex has it‘s own risks and rewards…babies, abortion, STD’s…they are all warning signs. Some they will win and some they will lose…but man what a ride.
I am in no position to judge or condemn. Like I maintain, I only promote the morals due to me having absolutely zilch going on.
If I had the looks and personality I’d be out most nights trying to get laid. I’d have numbers on my phone of girls who I can visit just to get some relief.
I would probably turn into a sexual demon. Never missing an opportunity.
Nah nah nah. I wouldn’t be like that….but I would have my fun.
I’ve known people like me, even in my own family, people who have no sex appeal. People who are as bland as cardboard. People who replace living souls with technology in the hope of filling a void. People who are dogged by loneliness. People who are liked…but not loved. People whose presence at a party is irrelevant. People whose hair is always shit.
People like me. I have this tendency to over smile. Where my lips are so curved that it forces my eyes shut. I once took a picture of this smile and I looked like a little 10 year old boy who had just been bought an ice cream. No wonder there is no sex appeal.
I remember when I was younger I thought I might be A-sexual. I never really looked at girls in a sexual way. I used to watch baywatch for the plot lines.
Then she came along.
One time during baywatch. Blonde hair, gorgeous face, figure like Jessica rabbit. Pamela Anderson. She was the only woman I would want to kiss and have sex with.
As the years rolled by my standards slipped.
And now look at me. Even the girls on Trisha I’d consider going with. And these types are the worst types.
Since last year I’ve felt, deep in my soul, that I wanted a bird. I took a walk last night down the old field. It was rubbish by myself. The last time I had gone down there was with Ben. Things are not generally worth doing by yourself.
Ben was a person I was so close with that. Like Aaron before him. I don’t talk to either now and I don’t really regret it. It was a necessary advancement. Ben shouldn’t have been such a dickhead basically.
I’m just jealous of all the couples and jealous of all the players. There are 3 single people in the family who have never be known to have a partner. I always feared I would join their ranks. And after the way I see girls look at me I know I’m safely heading in that direction.
Don’t expect me to have ambition or goals. ‘Cos I don’t want to celebrate alone. I realise that now. I realise that stuff like having a house and a family are important to me and a life without all of that is a pile of wank. Or a life that I will have to adapt to.
You’d think I was asking to win the lottery.
Since the bombings last week I’ve noticed a shift in attitude from some of the Muslims towards me at work. They have distanced themselves and become rather cold. I’m hurt by their attitude….especially Taj. I’ve known him since I started their and it hurts that he’s acting that way.
We’ll see how it goes though.