Begging and pleading
Louis could meet Nina tomorrow.
Two friends form different parts of my world collide.
Every time this has happened before…disaster.
Louis is such a light friend. Someone to play computer games with, someone to get drunk with…someone to talk football with.
We don’t have deep conversations. I don’t even know if he’s ever had a girlfriend. I’ve only started going out with him since the turn of the year, before that our time spent together was just in each others bedrooms (nothing gay mind you).
Nina is someone who has invited me to go out a few times with her and her friends. It’s been complicated with her but underneath all the pap…we are friends.
If it goes wrong tomorrow…I’m likely to never leave my bedroom again. I can’t face another rift between mates.
That’s another reason I don’t hardly have any friends. I can’t mix and match them. I’m a different person to them all.
Louis doesn’t know about the things that I’ve done in the last year. He doesn’t know about the feelings I’d had.
But it was cool. He was just a light friend.
Tonight he was round at my house and I started talking about friendships. I was about to talk about my lack of relations but I knew he didn’t want to hear it. He started huffing and speaking very little. He got agitated and would barely respond.
That’s when I knew…all we would ever be…were light friends.
I then stopped in my tracks.
With Nina it has been both a light-hearted friendship and an incredibly deep relationship at the same time. I remember in the club at 12:00 and we’d had a bit to drink but suddenly the conversation turned sombre. She talked about how she had lost her parents and I told her that I’d felt isolated for so long. Then we kissed. It was like we both had huge voids and somehow, together, we would fill them.
It’s quite sad when I think about how we never ended up together. She’s just a mate now though.
These two people are very important to me and it’s fine when life pokes fun at me by throwing up the only person who would go out with me as being someone who is 38 and has kids….but don’t fuck with these. I’m begging whatever cosmic force that determines life…please don’t screw me with these two.
Don’t make them talk nastily about me. Don’t make them fall-out. Don’t ruin anything.
Because if it gets fucked at all with these two tomorrow…I won’t be able to face life anymore, and that’s not an empty threat…that’s not a mood swing or comment made irrationally. I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
All I ask is that the night goes well. Can everyone please be cool with each other.
Is that OK?
Two friends form different parts of my world collide.
Every time this has happened before…disaster.
Louis is such a light friend. Someone to play computer games with, someone to get drunk with…someone to talk football with.
We don’t have deep conversations. I don’t even know if he’s ever had a girlfriend. I’ve only started going out with him since the turn of the year, before that our time spent together was just in each others bedrooms (nothing gay mind you).
Nina is someone who has invited me to go out a few times with her and her friends. It’s been complicated with her but underneath all the pap…we are friends.
If it goes wrong tomorrow…I’m likely to never leave my bedroom again. I can’t face another rift between mates.
That’s another reason I don’t hardly have any friends. I can’t mix and match them. I’m a different person to them all.
Louis doesn’t know about the things that I’ve done in the last year. He doesn’t know about the feelings I’d had.
But it was cool. He was just a light friend.
Tonight he was round at my house and I started talking about friendships. I was about to talk about my lack of relations but I knew he didn’t want to hear it. He started huffing and speaking very little. He got agitated and would barely respond.
That’s when I knew…all we would ever be…were light friends.
I then stopped in my tracks.
With Nina it has been both a light-hearted friendship and an incredibly deep relationship at the same time. I remember in the club at 12:00 and we’d had a bit to drink but suddenly the conversation turned sombre. She talked about how she had lost her parents and I told her that I’d felt isolated for so long. Then we kissed. It was like we both had huge voids and somehow, together, we would fill them.
It’s quite sad when I think about how we never ended up together. She’s just a mate now though.
These two people are very important to me and it’s fine when life pokes fun at me by throwing up the only person who would go out with me as being someone who is 38 and has kids….but don’t fuck with these. I’m begging whatever cosmic force that determines life…please don’t screw me with these two.
Don’t make them talk nastily about me. Don’t make them fall-out. Don’t ruin anything.
Because if it gets fucked at all with these two tomorrow…I won’t be able to face life anymore, and that’s not an empty threat…that’s not a mood swing or comment made irrationally. I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
All I ask is that the night goes well. Can everyone please be cool with each other.
Is that OK?
posted by A.Lee at 3:38 PM
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