Loner
What a pile of wank this summer has turned into. No-where to go because I don’t have anyone to go with.
Friendly acquaintances that’s all they are. They don’t ring me, they don’t text me….I’m nothing to them. I give off the vibe that I’m in my own zone and no-one can penetrate it. It’s partly true.
Loner by nature…whether I want to be or not.
Isn’t it wonderful when I try to reach out. I tried to be warm and invite people out but they didn’t listen and they never took the idea up. Whenever I was invited out it was because it was a group situation. I was never out of it in these social situations. I always had someone to talk to…but it was so empty because I knew I’d never see these newbies again…and I didn’t.
I remember when I got to know Liam better. We talked about this kind of thing and he just didn’t understand this “loner” thing. People who don’t feel it…don’t understand. They always try to preach about ways of integrating yourself into the world but they just have no idea about the thought patterns.
And how could he understand? I’m sure he has pain in his life, but loneliness isn’t one of them. He has a friend for every minute of the day. He has every girl swarming around him like bee’s on honey. I see the way people look at him. Utter respect, utter admiration, utter love.
I’ve recently searched for answers in religion but to no avail.
“Give yourself to jesus!”
Hey Jesus wanna go out for a game of pool? Wanna go see a film? Wanna catch a footie match?
Oh wait….YOUR NOT A PHYSICAL FORM.
And I don’t want to wait ‘till I’m dead.
People just have no opinion of me. They don’t consider me for more than the few seconds they’re engaged in polite conversation. It’s not hate, it’s not love….it’s nothing.
That’s what I am though. No connections and no life.
How could Nina ever choose me over her boyfriend? When we went out for her b-day her boyfriend knew all the bartenders in the bars we visited and was able to get free drinks.
I didn’t know one person.
She turned out to be a person I don’t like which makes me feel better about all that but it still sucks because it could have been someone I still like.
I saw lots of kids mucking about today and I remembered that I haven’t felt right for years. When did life break me? I’m one of those cases, those types of person who never repair. It breaks my heart because I’ve seen the potential of life.
But I’m a loner. Some days I live with it fine, then others, like today, I can’t bear it. And I don’t think I’ll ever climb back.
Friendly acquaintances that’s all they are. They don’t ring me, they don’t text me….I’m nothing to them. I give off the vibe that I’m in my own zone and no-one can penetrate it. It’s partly true.
Loner by nature…whether I want to be or not.
Isn’t it wonderful when I try to reach out. I tried to be warm and invite people out but they didn’t listen and they never took the idea up. Whenever I was invited out it was because it was a group situation. I was never out of it in these social situations. I always had someone to talk to…but it was so empty because I knew I’d never see these newbies again…and I didn’t.
I remember when I got to know Liam better. We talked about this kind of thing and he just didn’t understand this “loner” thing. People who don’t feel it…don’t understand. They always try to preach about ways of integrating yourself into the world but they just have no idea about the thought patterns.
And how could he understand? I’m sure he has pain in his life, but loneliness isn’t one of them. He has a friend for every minute of the day. He has every girl swarming around him like bee’s on honey. I see the way people look at him. Utter respect, utter admiration, utter love.
I’ve recently searched for answers in religion but to no avail.
“Give yourself to jesus!”
Hey Jesus wanna go out for a game of pool? Wanna go see a film? Wanna catch a footie match?
Oh wait….YOUR NOT A PHYSICAL FORM.
And I don’t want to wait ‘till I’m dead.
People just have no opinion of me. They don’t consider me for more than the few seconds they’re engaged in polite conversation. It’s not hate, it’s not love….it’s nothing.
That’s what I am though. No connections and no life.
How could Nina ever choose me over her boyfriend? When we went out for her b-day her boyfriend knew all the bartenders in the bars we visited and was able to get free drinks.
I didn’t know one person.
She turned out to be a person I don’t like which makes me feel better about all that but it still sucks because it could have been someone I still like.
I saw lots of kids mucking about today and I remembered that I haven’t felt right for years. When did life break me? I’m one of those cases, those types of person who never repair. It breaks my heart because I’ve seen the potential of life.
But I’m a loner. Some days I live with it fine, then others, like today, I can’t bear it. And I don’t think I’ll ever climb back.
posted by A.Lee at 11:26 AM
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